Kourtney (beautifulloser6) wrote in brokensouls,


well, i'm kourtney, 15 years of age. i've read a bit through some of the entries in this community, and i feel very connected to some of the things said. there is an empty space inside of me, that cannot be filled no matter what i do. i have severe trust issues, and i feel as if i will never have anyone to care about me. i have so many longing questions about life and my purpose...to which i will never find answers. and these questions keep me up at night. i have a fucked up past, present, and most likely future. my mom has suffered physical and emotional abuse from my father whom she is still married to...i have suffered severe emotional abuse from him. my parents don't trust me, my dad is a drug addict, alcoholic who will never change his ways. i've had my emotions played with by many people who seem to think i'm stable enough for them to do that. i'm not. my grandmother died of cancer when i was a ripe old age of 8, and my cousin died of the same cancer a few months ago. he was only 22. ever since then, my ENTIRE family has been falling apart bit by bit. as if i haven't always been screwed up enough, the only people i have ever felt loved me, have pretty much abandoned me, or gotten so caught up in their own problems these days, i just don't matter. it's hard, having no one, but i manage. all of these problems are just some of the major ones i have endured, and through all of this, amazingly i have restrained from self mutilation, drugs, and smoking. but believe me, it hasn't been easy convincing myself not to do these things. i know this is long, but hey i'll stop.
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im beauty.
i understand what thats like.
my dad was the same.but hey eventually left..(bastard he was)
but newho..
i was wondering could i add you?
i wont abandon you,i never do that to ppl.im too nice like ppl say.tee hee.
k.well if you want you can add me.
i think we have sumthin in common in life..we both feel like there is no one out there.and the ones that were,are now gone.but hey.im here for YA. lol.i probably sound like a total retard now.so im going to stop b4 u take me the wrong way.
of course you can add me! *adds you*
"amazingly i have restrained from self mutilation, drugs, and smoking."

Life is, more or less, a meatgrinder. It's good to see that someone else has decided to face it with open eyes and empty veins.
That's not what I meant to say. I mean, it is, but... I liked your post. I wouldn't have responded otherwise. Sorry life sucks? I'm terrible at this.